Oleh : Etty Sunanti (The Owner of ESP)
Seorang ayah berkata kepada anaknya, “Otakmu dimana? Masa’ mengerjakan matematika segampang ini, kamu tidak bisa?”
Kemudian si ibu menimpali, “Awas ya, sampai kamu tidak bisa mengerjakan PR ini semua, mulai besok nggak usah sekolah lagi.”
Sikap dan perkataan Rasulullah yang dijamin Surga oleh Allah saja begitu mulia. Dalam Alquran disebutkan uswah atau teladan yang baik pada diri Rasulullah SAW untuk dicontoh semua umatnya.
لَقَدْ كَانَ لَكُمْ فِيْ رَسُوْلِ اللّٰهِ اُسْوَةٌ حَسَنَةٌ لِّمَنْ كَانَ يَرْجُوا اللّٰهَ وَالْيَوْمَ الْاٰخِرَ وَذَكَرَ اللّٰهَ كَثِيْرًاۗ
Artinya :
“Sesungguhnya telah ada pada diri Rasulullah itu suri tauladan yang baik bagimu, yaitu bagi orang yang mengharap rahmat Allah dan kedatangan hari kiamat dan dia banyak menyebut Allah. (QS. Al Ahzab : 21)
Ayat yang mulia ini merupakan dalil pokok paling besar, yang menganjurkan tiap Muslim agar meniru Rasulullah dalam semua ucapan, perbuatan, dan sepak terjangnya.
Sebagaimana yang disebutkan di dalam kitab Sahihain, dari Anas yang telah mengatakan : “Aku menjadi pelayan Rasulullah SAW selama sepuluh tahun, dan beliau sama sekali belum pernah membentakku dengan kata, “Husy!” Dan belum pernah mengatakan terhadapku tentang sesuatu yang seharusnya tidak kulakukan, “Mengapa engkau melakukannya?” Dan tidak pula terhadap sesuatu yang seharusnya kulakukan, “Mengapa tidak engkau lakukan?”
Penghinaan, bully-an, cacian, menjatuhkan kehormatan, dan berbagai istilah dalam meremehkan orang lain. Ada sebuah istilah yang sangat familiar di tengah kita, adalah “Verbal Abuse” (Bahasa Inggris), yang artinya, pelecehan verbal.
Pelecehan verbal -sejenis pelecehan emosional- adalah ketika seseorang menggunakan kata-katanya untuk menyerang, mendominasi, mengejek, memanipulasi, dan/atau merendahkan orang lain dan berdampak negatif pada kesehatan psikologis orang tersebut.
Ini dapat terjadi dalam semua jenis hubungan, seperti hubungan romantis pasangan kekasih atau suami isteri, hubungan orang tua-anak, guru dan muridnya, hubungan keluarga, dan hubungan rekan kerja, dan lain sebagainya. Efek pelecehan verbal bisa sama merusaknya dengan kekerasan fisik.
Karena rubrik ini tentang parenting, atau pendidikan anak. Maka, kita akan membahas tentang verbal abuse khusus orang tua kepada anak.
Sama seperti bentuk pelecehan atau intimidasi lainnya, pelecehan verbal memiliki efek jangka panjang dan jangka pendek, termasuk masalah gangguan mental sebagai berikut: Kecemasan, Perubahan suasana hati, stres kronis, menurunnya harga diri, depresi, perasaan malu, bersalah, dan putus asa, penarikan sosial/isolasi, penggunaan zat adiktif, juga penyimpangan prilaku
Bagaimanakah tindakan orang tua yang termasuk verbal abuse?
- Menyalahkan
Membuat si anak percaya bahwa mereka bertanggung jawab atas perilaku kasar atau bahwa mereka membawa pelecehan verbal pada diri mereka sendiri. Seorang ibu berkata, ” Kamu pantas dihukum ayah, karena kamu memang yang salah dan bodoh.”
- Kritik
Komentar kasar dan terus-menerus yang dimaksudkan untuk membuat anak tersebut merasa buruk tentang diri mereka sendiri dan tidak membangun, tetapi disengaja dan menyakitkan. “Kamu dari dulu tidak pernah berubah baik, selalu saja jelek, selalu saja ranking terakhir.”
- Gaslighting
Jenis pelecehan emosional yang berbahaya, dan terkadang terselubung, di mana pelaku membuat anak mempertanyakan penilaian dan realitas mereka.
- Menilai
Memandang rendah anak. Tidak bersyukur, tidak menerima mereka apa adanya, atau menahan mereka pada harapan yang tidak realistis.
- Pemanggilan nama
Memanggil dengan sebutan dan nama yang buruk. Bahasa kasar, menghina, atau hinaan yang merusak harga diri, rasa harga diri, dan konsep diri anak. Misal memanggil ciri fisik yang buruk, “Hai pesek, hitam, jelek..”
- Ancaman
Pernyataan yang dimaksudkan untuk menakut-nakuti, mengendalikan, dan memanipulasi korban agar patuh. “Awas ya, kalau kamu tidak nurut apa kata ibu, ibu akan pergi selamanya meninggalkan kalian..”
- Menahan
Penolakan untuk memberikan kasih sayang atau perhatian, termasuk mogok berbicara kepada anak. Tidak mau melihat si anak, atau bahkan berada di ruangan yang sama. Memberikan hukuman dengan menahan diri agar si anak merasa kehilangan.
- Degradasi
Kata-kata ini dikeluarkan agar anak merasa bersalah terhadap dirinya sendiri dan menganggap dirinya tidak berguna. Contohnya, “Kamu tidak akan bisa jadi apa-apa kalau bukan karena bapakmu ini.. ”
- Manipulasi
Kekerasan verbal ini dilakukan dengan tujuan memerintah anak, tapi tidak dengan kalimat imperatif. Misalnya, “Kalau kamu memang sayang orang tua, kamu tidak akan melakukan itu.”
- Menuduh
Menuduh juga bisa menjadi kekerasan verbal ketika hal itu dilakukan untuk menjatuhkan mental anak. Tidak perlu dengan kata-kata kasar, bentuk kekerasan verbal ini dapat berupa “Ibu harus berteriak karena kamu memang keras kepala.” Atau, “Siapa lagi, yang bisa membuat kekacauan di rumah ini, kalau bukan kamu.”
- Berdusta
Misal orang tua, sudah menjanjikan hadiah kepada anak. Saat anak menuntut meminta hadiah, orang tua berkata. “Ayah ibu, tidak pernah berjanji memberikan hadiah, kamu salah dengar mungkin, atau itu hayalanmu?”
- Perdebatan yang tidak berujung.
Berdebat adalah bagian dari hubungan yang sehat, namun perdebatan yang tak berujung dan dilakukan berulang kali bisa jadi bentuk kekerasan verbal. Perkataan yang sia sia.
Dan sebenarnya, semua akhlaq tercela tersebut sudah menjadi sorotan penting dalam Al Qur’an.
Allah Berfirman dalam surat Al Humazah ayat 1 :
وَيْلٌ لِّكُلِّ هُمَزَةٍ لُّمَزَةٍۙ
“Celakalah bagi setiap pengumpat dan pencela”
Maksud هُمَزَةٍ adalah umpatan dengan kata atau kalimat seseorang. Sedangkan maksud لُّمَزَةٍۙ adalah celaan dengan menggunakan ekspresi dan gestur tubuh. Dan Allah telah memberikan sanksi dengan celaka atau binasa, bagi pengumpat dan pencela tersebut. Na’uzubillahimindzalik.
Semoga kita menjadi orang tua dan pendidik, yang mampu menebarkan kebaikan, menumbuhkan semangat positif, serta ruhul iman kepada putra putri kita semua.
Sehingga lisan kita yang keluar hanya pancaran Kemuliaan Ilahiyah. Aamiin…
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